Fire, water, earth, air- elements that can be used to develop rituals that resonate with you, your family and your life.
Fire is a powerful tool in ritual and ceremony. I’m not onto something new here – fire has been used for eons in many cultures around the world; Native American, Mayan, Hindu… You can easily google many ceremonies to follow – the one below is just a sample for one I put together for a young woman ending her first love relationship and wanting to reconnect with her family.
You will need an offering for the fire, a pen and paper…
- Best to begin by being safe with fire – like don’t burn the house down. In this ceremony we had access to a backyard area and used a fire pit.
- Then once you have a pretty good fire going begin the ritual with the offer of something aromatic like a spice or sage. This is the opening so encouraged to really sit with this beginning and just let what arises happen.
- Bring something to burn that represents how you are feeling about your family and what is happening with it and with you. No rules here really – just don’t burn your hand!
- Then for good measure use this moment to surrender to the fire everything that you would like to let go. If you would like aspects of your family to change – how you feel and react, hold on to this feeling here and then as you hold your family in your thoughts write down the names of the family members on a piece of paper and give that to the fire.
- Put everything into the fire – not all of your stuff – just all of the emotional shit you hang on to – to hold on to what is.
- Repeat this statement if it works for you:
“I, (name), release myself from any feelings that are not in alignment with my best true nature. In this moment I allow the fire to take all of it… and renew my relationship with myself and my family – in whatever form it takes.”
Then celebrate. It is really that simple. Just show up – light a fire (safely) and burn it all away…
Adding altars to areas of your work and home environment that you can see on a daily basis can bring so much joy and relief to your life… not to mention how the “real” life manipulation of alters is a great way to involve children in the process, open doors of communication and bring gratitude and a sense of personal responsibility to your world. As you go through the process of creating a new life in the midst of an “ending” altars can express in real time what is happening.
Altar: Daily honoring of what is…
Setting up an altar in a fairly public place in your home is an amazing way to bring the sacred to the moments when you feel overwhelmed or frustrated with what is.
In my home I have an altar space near my bed. I see it when I wake and when I go to sleep. It is a combination of candles, precious only to me finds…, pictures, drawings, stones, flowers… whatever turns me on… it is a living breathing thing!
It offers me daily guidance by putting me in touch with the now of my life. The good and the not so good. (but I would question the not so good part). The altar also changes when it needs to… when I need it to. It is a daily reflection and a place to pause, have faith and let go.
I highly recommend creating a sacred space in your home for reflection, empowerment and inspiration.
You know when you go to the beach, mountains, dancing and drinking with your girlfriends, the guys? That’s a ritual, ceremony. It’s a pressure reliever. It helps you feel safe. Ritual helps you feel grounded and safe in the chaos.
Divorce is so painful because routine is changing and you’re losing something that makes you feel safe.
Ritual is a pause. An invitation to take a breath and see things from a new perspective and bring some order and safety into the chaos and unknown. Prayer, comfort, reaching your edges and feeling confident that “although the days are long the years are short” – these ceremonies and rituals dig deep to get to the heart of what is….
What you have been doing so far hasn’t been working.
You are clearly in a some sort of crisis. I’m asking you to slow down a moment, sit, see if we can relieve some of the pressure. Let’s get to a bit of relief. If you’re holding stress and pressure and anger and hopelessness in your body and your energy field, it is affecting how you are reacting with your ex and your kids.
Life won’t magically start working if you do the same things over and over again. Start a journal. It will save your your friendships, your mind and your life. Get it all down on paper so that you can clear it all out and look at your partner with fresh eyes.
Write it all down
- Write it all down. Like, all of it. Really.
- Let it go, burn it, save it… just keep writing.
- Dig deep my beautiful friend.